Yes, I am friendly… but I am NOT your friend. It is my nature to be warm and comforting, which is partly why I chose this career. I am a hugger, and have one of those faces that seems so familiar. Our time together feels natural and comfortable because I am working hard to be the safe, grounded presence you need. I am your therapist, and it is my pleasure to hold this space for you. It is not a job for the faint of heart, and is definitely unsustainable by a friend.

When I am doing my job well, it may not even feel like therapy at all; I am trained in the art of relationships. I know that intimacy is the only way—into the deepest parts, where the deepest pain settles—for the profound alchemy of healing to unfold. I know it’s complicated that the same feeling of closeness that IS THE THERAPY, can be confused with what we want and expect from friends and family. You feel endeared to “me” is because THE THEAPY IS WORKING…but it’s not me you feel…it’s the whole relationship-experience. Not every relationship is a friendship.

I authentically feel deeply for you, sometimes right along with you, in your suffering and dark moments. Sometimes I think about you, and our work together, even when we are apart. I delight in the moments you say you feel relieved, confident, or clear-headed when you leave my office, and I have a great deal of love and respect for your spirit’s journey…but it’s not because I am your friend. This is the nature of healing, and everyday I choose to be present for it.

You have shared so much about your family that I can see them through your eyes, and feel them in your heart. Sometimes it’s like I know them by extension of you, and so the whole group dynamic becomes part of how I see you. Maybe I have touched you, or them, gently with nurturing hands of Light, and honored parts of your being that are often overlooked. When I send long-distance intentions for insight, resilience, protection and peace into the universe, it’s your family name that is attached to that lifeline. We are in the same Soul-Group, but that doesn’t make us friends.

I’m sure you can feel my excitement during honest, inspired conversations, that touch the depths of both our souls. I cannot hide my passion for the process, when we don’t have to “make meaning” because it’s simply unfolding before us, and we are reminded that it is our nature to be bright and brilliant and connected by Love. Make no mistake… even when it seems like I’m just sitting quietly or going with your flow, I am as present for, and with, you as another human can be. Because an observed reaction is scientifically different from one that happens in isolation, bearing witness to your journey with an expert perspective that can only be maintained from a safe personal distance—I care, deeply, but I am not your FRIEND.

This is what I studied tens-of-thousands of hours, and paid hundreds-of-thousands of dollars, for… I AM YOUR THERAPIST. I maintain that being in relationships is the hardest thing we do, and I made a painstaking investment, upfront, on your behalf. I learned to walk this delicate tight-rope of thoughts and feelings, so that you can experience the benefit of the ideal. It is my honor and delight to bear witness to your mind working it all out in your own way. I am in the right profession, for you and for me, working within an intangible framework that can do deep harm—or exponentially more good, when treated with an expert touch.

The “business” of professional caregiving is a constant delicate balance; treating the most “personal” issues with the compassion we expect from our closest connections, while maintaining that absolutely nothing is personal so that everything is safe to say. Any shift in the balance can be detrimental, because a triggered mind cannot hold a perspective. You don’t have to do anything, as long as I take responsibility for what is mine and ours. Because as personal as feelings are, please try to remember that I am the expert professional trained to work with them, differently than ever other relationship. With our friends, we react and respond—in therapy, we process, validate, and rename. Being actively engaged with even the most painful feelings, and giving you the experience that it’s safe to be open to change.

And a note to MY FRIENDS: I am NOT YOUR therapist. I am A THERAPIST, and I can’t un-know what I know. I want the best for you and all your relationships, but anything I say, offer, suggest—especially in the way of finding a therapist of your own—is my way of loving you in the way I know best. I will always offer referrals, and give you tips on how to find the best person for you. When you hurt, I will always take your calls, listen, and honor your feelings, as it is my nature, but I am not holding therapy-space in the same way. Every mind should have the benefit of a therapeutic space that is totally and completely theirs. I have one, and I think the world would be a better place if everyone did, and knew the value of such a relationship.